So you’ve finally decided that you need to get into this strange, unfamiliar world of Social Media everyone’s talking about. I haven’t got a bloody choice, you grumble. My boss met the MD of our closest competitor the other day, and he was going on and on and on about Facebook. My boss was caught red-faced when he asked who the author of “the Face book” was.
It feels a little like that time when Spice Girls ruled the world and you were forced into listening to their shrieks about girl power everywhere you went, doesn’t it? Not to make you feel any more vintage than you already feel, but the Spice Girls domination was about 10 years ago.
You find yourself inviting your agency to ask for a presentation on Social Media and a proposal on how your brand can be marketed in this medium. Considering your minimal knowledge of this medium, how do you know if your agency is bullshitting you or not? Well let me, the web designer/advertising suit/ blogger/ digital strategist, tell you how.
1 | The habitual Googler
If you find yourself being shown 50 slides of social media statistics and 3 slides on execution ideas, you know that your agency knows as much as you do – that the medium is important, but they don’t know what the hell to do in that medium.
2 | The social media channel becomes the solution
A common recommendation goes something like this, “We will set a blog up, a Twitter account, and a Facebook fan page!” They don’t identify the problem you have in this medium, they don’t prescribe the solution as a result of not knowing the problem to begin with, but strangely enough, they have array of social media channels to recommend to you. Ask them this question – what do I do on my blog, Twitter account and Facebook fan page?
And no darling, like how your customers do not rush home to watch your TV commercials airing at 7pm, your customers online will not visit your blog to listen to you talk about you.
3 | Using plural with social media channels
Run the moment your agency says “Twitters”.
4 | Using buzz words
Run EVEN FASTER the moment your agency says “New Media”. I agree with what consultant Marc Shelkin says about this term – it is used by agencies who haven’t realized that it isn’t new any more and don’t know what to call projects that aren’t print.
Social media marketing isn’t as complicated as empirical formula unlike what Ivory Tower wannabies want you to think.
Source: Preparatory Chemistry
5 | Spewing social media theories
If your agency’s leading man is too busy penning articles about social media and his theories on trade publications and dissing competitors off with words and not actual works, you should evaluate why you’ve engaged this agency in the first place. The problem with the social media theories penned by Ivory Tower wannabies is that in this unique medium, application is crucial for success. Try sending your boss a 3,000-word article from your agency as proof of a successful social media campaign. Let me know if he/ she buys that bullshit.
6 | Quoting the big boys
A common habit of agencies is to quote the likes of Jeremy Owyang, Brian Solis and Peter Kim one slide before the slide where they tell you “We will set a blog up, a Twitter account, and a Facebook fan page!”. Again, ask them this question – what do I do on my blog, Twitter account and Facebook fan page? Special thanks to my partner-in-crime Tania, for this point.
7 | They hire a blogger, and not a communicator, to be your digital strategist
Your 55-year-old Aunt Amy has a blog talking about her two dogs, Snoopy and Miffy. Will you hand her a 100 grand to market your brand online?
Anyone has anymore to add?
The views expressed on this blog are my personal opinion and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer or its clients
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In second life you can have a partner.You meet someone, fall in love and say Hey Lets Show The World We Are A Couple and its permanent. You think This Is The One and I will spend the rest of nt sl life with this person. I met XoXo in the junkyard blues club. I had found it on my second day. Nice friendly atmosphere, I listened to the chat too scared to speak. I looked at their profiles many of them had been here years. They were all very attractive. I was a noob ( A new person with a free shape not attractive. ) In their profiles they all had “Payment info used”. I thought hmmm what is this? Age verified? Then Ha Got it! They had bought lindens with a credit card. Right what I needed was a decent shape avatar. I thought to myself who are the coolest dudes on the planet? The Italians! I put some money on my credit card , a good bit and went hunting for an Italian Avatar. Found one “Donato” Lookin cool Dude. Bought a leather jacket some jeans and boots. AND OF COURSE some sunglasses.
I went back to jyb (Junkyard Blues Club Site Here) Hung out . A few days later I met a girl. We danced once. It was about a week later I was waiting for her when out of the blue this gorgeous avatar asked me to dance. OMG! She was so cool and a bit of a star in jyb! Guess what? I refused said I was waiting for someone could I take a rain check? OMG OMG OMG> My date never turned up. A few days later she was there again ( she was always there) . I said to her it had stopped raining Dance? She said YES!.
XoXo ( won’t use real names ) was awesome we got on really well. We started spending a lot of time together. She was great. Taught me loads of stuff. Bought me clothes. I used to get into a terrible mess so I gave her my password and she dressed me. She also tidied my inventory! Wow I fell for her, she fell for me. Heres a pic:
We were cool. We had a bit of sex. Not much. We were inseparable. We talked about partnering. I was 3 weeks old, she 3 years. I felt it wasn’t appropriate to ask her to be my partner before I was 30 days old. So I waited a week. On my 30th I dressed in my Tuxedo. I had a short speech prepared and a ring, with a posing stand where I could get down on one knee. (I had been practising the timing and the spot for hours so it would be right.) I had the sl partner proposal ready. Btw when you partner it goes in the front of your profile. I went to Tempura, Japanese sim to a spot that had a wonderful backdrop and the sea in front. I summoned her, she came and I proposed. She accepted.
[At this time I was not aware of the time compression that works within sl. You may think me foolish .but I had not been in love for 20 years. Here I was in love with a pretty Avatar. It was a fantasy but I knew there was a person pulling the puppets strings. We exchanged rl information and pictures. She was cool.Was I blinded by the “game”?]
Halcyon days. We looked at houseboats but she said they weren’t private enough so we got ourselves an island in jyb. We put up our national flags, She helped me buy a motorcycle. I put in my profile:
First there was me , my bike and the blues. Then I met XoXo. When she’s not here, well I don’t think I ever understood the blues before.
Something like that. Everyone in jyb congratulated us. Great I was really part of the family. She had a sail boat and we would sail to the jyb dance floor. (I couldn’t use it when she wasn’t around so I bought myself one. ) Some evenings we would just sit on our island on the porch and share videos. It was magic. Then we had an argument. In sl you have a viewer to run the world. The standard one is Phoenix, it is old. The new one is Firestorm. Firestorm was talked about a lot and everyone was using it so I did too. I suggested she did too. She refused. I left it for a bit then something came up and I was a bit firm and told her she was being silly. She was not pleased, I tried talking to her but she got mad and said it obviously wasn’t working between us. I asked her to think about it and she POOFED. (went offline). I was a bit upset but surely once she gave it some thought it would be ok. I got in my boat and moored off the island and waited. She came back an hour later saying she had been on skype with her daughter. I asked her what about us? She said it isn’t working and ; Boom XoXo has dissolved your partnership. Boom XoXo is no longer your friend Boom XoXo has ejected you from her group. Boom. I collected my pelican and my bike, my worldly goods. I was totally overwhelmed. We had said this was long term, we partnered. Fuck. I was destroyed.
I didn’t sleep that much that night. The next day I tried to go to jyb but she turned up. I got in my boat and moored just out of sight and listened to her chat with all her friends, as though nothing had happened. I sat in my boat and I cried and cried and cried. My heart was broken . Rl heart.
I was still upset the next day but I had no home so I looked at the houseboats. They were great so I rented one. Slowly I began to recover and started going back to jyb. I felt foolish. Very.
I recovered slowly. I loved my houseboat I bought peacocks. I started hanging out confidently in jyb. Ahh the blues and the people were appreciating me in my own right. As I have said I am a biker, have been in rl since my 30s. I had my bike.
In sl we each have a profile which can be accessed by right clicking on the avatar. It is made up of three elements, a picture, the groups you belong to (you can have 42) and some text. People will write here their attitude if you like to sl. Mine says :
Latest Motto: Live Fast Ride Hard, Die Laughing.. I’m English we tend to make fun of things we love. I met a Valkyrie she is my gf. she sometimes appears as an Angel
I live by the four Brahma Viharas, (Dwelling Places of God) : Friendliness, Compassion, Equanimity and Sympathetic Joy.
“The moving finger writes and having writ moves on. Nor all your piety nor wit can lure it back to cancel half a line nor all your tears wash out a word of it.”
You can also see if payment info has been used and if the avatar has a partner. The next tab is web where you can put a web site address. I have my own. The next tab is interests where you can put your sl skills, dreams, etc etc. Apart from the front page what is perhaps most interesting is your PICKS. Here you put what turns you on in sl. Clubs, things people. At the bottom is a teleporter to the place you have picked. So dear readers in sl you can perve people and see who they are and what they hold dear in sl.
I went to other clubs of course but I always found myself back at jyb. I used to park my bike on the dock and lie on it.Listening to the music looking cool. YES I know but I did. Look at me. lolol. Great bike. Anyway I started perving the pretty avatars. i was too scared to speak to them. I was feeling pretty negative about myself.Perhaps someone else would ask me to dance. No way would I ask them. I had no friends. XoXo was there. I offered her friendship saying no hard feelings lets at least stay friends….she declined. “I know how to think, I know how to wait…” Adapted from Siddhartha …Hesse. There was this one lady, Xaxa. She was , her avatar was, so beautiful. And very popular, being greeted by everyone when she came onto the dance floor.You may think dear readers that falling in love with an avatar a mere cypher is strange. However a beautiful avatar wearing beautiful clothes, well groomed, nice hair who chats intelligently, has an interesting and well thought out profile is very real. Indicative of an attractive mind. So a persons avatar is a representation of that person. Xaxa had a beautiful profile. She always had a dance partner but had no partner so was safe to talk to, If I dared. I chickened out. She was way out of my league. Then one day there were not so many people around and she was dancing alone.
I perved her picks. WOW she was a biker! I teleported to the crater but there was nothing there. I sent her an im asking if there was a club house and how I went about joining. I told her I had read what she had written and agreed to it. She told me her sister was President. Did I have a problem with that? No way. I have been a champion on Women s Rights since uni. I didn’t flirt she would be never be interested in me. Then I received a Join notice. OMG she was letting me into her club. This was great. We chatted some more. I plucked up my courage ” Its ok you can refuse but I would love to dance with you. Please don’t worry you can say no, I won’t be offended” She said yes.
I won’t bore you with the details of our romance but we fell in love and partnered. She was Dutch. And had done modelling in rl. She became mijn klein muis, my little mouse. She bought land and put it in both our names. We called it Elysium. I blogged about it. I created a story where I was a traveller searching for the Fabled Elysium. You see with Xaxa I thought I had found it. We were so happy and we were living in paradise.
Here is the first entry of the blog>>>>>>>>>>
My quest began from the shores of Ireland, a fair country, but I was a stranger there. England held no allure. As is the English temperament, I set off in my small skiff to find the fabled Isles of The Blessed, Elysium. I had few markers except a good heart, a bold nature and perhaps a dream of finding a home where I could at last rest from my wanderings. After many trials, too numerous to mention (and a siren best forgotten) I sighted smoke. I had read of Mt Toba in my Encyclopedia Geographica…It says this briefly:
The Toba supereruption (Youngest Toba Tuff or simply YTT) was a supervolcaniceruption that is believed to have occurred some time between 69,000 and 77,000 years ago at Lake Toba (Sumatra, Indonesia). It is recognized as one of the Earth‘s largest known eruptions. The related catastrophe hypothesis holds that this event plunged the planet into a 6-to-10-year volcanic winter and possibly an additional 1,000-year cooling episode. This change in temperature is hypothesized to have resulted in the world’s human population being reduced to 10,000 or even a mere 1,000 breeding pairs, creating a bottleneck in human evolution.
Not daunted by this world killer I sailed on. I had heard that Elysium was protected, so the volcano did not surprise me. In my British manner I told myself “It’s only a volcano” I would sail around it. Then I sighted land. My journey had taken 47 days. I secured the skiff at a small dock, raised the flag and lit a fire. Toba grumbled behind me. Here is a pic:
I was weary so I layed by the fire and dreamt a dreamless sleep. My thoughts drifted…was this the fabled isles created by the gods where heroes were reborn? Had I reached my journeys end? Could I at last find peace…….
I awoke just after dawn and despite Toba’s intermittant roars I felt wonderfully rested. I began the day with such high spirits….I felt alive!!! I wasn’t hungry or thirsty which was very strange. The air was ennervating!
I looked around. I was stunned. A white yacht was moored close to me. There was a house but such a house! It looked Italian with its tiled roof and stone walls. There were palms and a waterfall….high cliffs surrounded the isle. This was somebodys home, I dare not trespass, yet it seemed to be empty…I would explore!!! Here is a pic of what I saw:
I wandered up to the house perhaps someone was home? It was magnificent. There was a fearsome looking beast guarding the entry. The gate was locked. I could hear bird song and the splashing of water. A brightly coloured parrot flew around. Then another parrot came and sat on my sholder occasionally looking at me quizzically. Ha! A friend already! I named him JD after a pirate I had crossed swords with. Here is a pic:
The house was so beautiful, the trees gently swaying in the light breeze. Who could own such a palace in the middle of nowhere? Who owned the beautiful white yacht, where was the captain? Then I noticed there was a light surrounding me, it had appeared this morning it seemed ..no it could not be…it seemed to be emanating from me!!! I wandered on towards a cry I had heard before but could not place…..
Peacocks! Two blue ones and a white one. I stood very still not wanting to frighten them. They completely ignored me as if i belonged here? Very strange. I was about to move on when the white one spread her wings. I was struck dumb! I pulled out my camera to take another pic. I succeded!
Where was I? What was this paradise? Who owned it? Is this Elysium?
I would explore more! I wandered straight ahead to the waterfall, More surprises, ridiculous surprises, two white swans,,,on a tropical island,,,I rubbed my eyes, yes they were still there, it was tho some god or godess or magician had conjured the beautiful things from our planet and placed them here,, Yes of course I took a picture! When I get home (whenever that would be,,,my own island perhaps? Like this? The thought of another sea voyage was daunting) when I get “home” I would have proof that a paradise existed, not for mortals perhaps, I took a pic,
I moved to my rightI saw something…A statue? Yes a statue of THE BUDDHA! What was He doing here I thought. It was a genuine statue too not some cheap plaster fake. There was a green ball at my feet I looked down to read the writing Tai something? I leaned closer and touched it. Some force took a hold of me, moving me. My shorts vanished and and and I was dressed in a kimono!?!?!? I had swords! Two of them, one at my waist the other on my back. I had become a samurai! I was moving so gracefully, I had no control, I was dancing. No not dancing..o my god it was Tai Chi! I had watched the chinese in Hong Kong (British colony in those days) I was doing Tai Chi dressed as a Samurai in front of the Buddha …I watched, I was transported. I had lived in Japan, these were katana proper warrior swords. I looked closely, silktop, the hakama (skirt to those less well informed) looked like fine cotton. on my feet I had zouri, warrior class sandles, not peasant sandles, these were laqured. The attention to detail astounded me.Don’t believe me? Look at this:
I did nothing. I thought nothing. My mind rested in a calm I had never really known. My half closed eyes could see the Buddha, the waterfall. There was no sound except the rushing falling of water. The faint peacock cry reminded me of beauty, I too was beautiful. I felt…no I didn’t feel I was empty……my eyes closed everything faded into stillness, there was no time, I had transcended time. I was at peace.
When I came back, how long had it been? Hours? Days? I had no idea. I was floating in front of the Buddha. It was night. I was floating. I WAS FLOATING! About two feet above the ground. Of course I recorded such a phenomenon.
I had found Elysium dear readers with a Goddess called Xaxa. Then I had a low, a bipolar low. I sat on the floor and cried for 4 days and 4 nights without eating or sleeping. I was NOT going to hospital. Oh Lord its bad. I staggered round to a friends house and got fed, got showered took loads of meds and was put to bed. Three days later I was back with Xaxa. Phew Pause:
She was ok with my madness. Was warm and caring. When we were chatting I asked her about her computer. She said her browser was Google. Hmmm Google is a search engine. She was using Internet Explorer …I cringed. I dropped that browser in 1996. I tried to explain Firefox was better. Nope she would not listen. I explained I was a qualified computer teacher with 16 year experience. Nope she had her browser and would not change. Oho…..shades of XoXo. I shut up. A few days later we bought a lovely TV while installing it the manufacturers saif This won’t work with Internet Explorer its crap get Firefox. You know what she said? ” I must get Firefox”. I was so so hurt. She would listen to the TV guy but not to her Partner. The last 16 years of my life were of no value to her. I felt lost. I had nothing to offer. Elysium was about a 1000 prims I had contributed 60. This wasn’t a partnership. I went and sat on my log next to my flag and was very sad. I asked her why the TV guy was more knowledgeable than me? She said she was a proud independent woman and took no orders from a man. She went her own way. BUT BUT BUT ….there was no talking to her. I poofed.
I thought abot this and I thought hmm ok I’ll win her round somehow. I logged back in ..AND Elysium was gone! Only a gully. All my stuff had been returned to my inventory. My office I had so lovingly created. Then I looked in my profile. NO NO NON NO I had no partner! Mijn klein muis was gone.
I didn’t cry this time I bought an Island. With 1500 prims of my owm.
Over the next week we started chatting. I offered her friendship she accepted. We both cried a little, we both agreed we still loved each other cared for each other. I invited her to my island, we got undressed a bit. We chatted. It felt good. I joked “Have you got Firefox yet? Hahahaha”. Oh dear she got all serious and POOFED.
She has a new partner now. Really a nice guy. Xaxa and I are very good friends. She is my Pres , my sister, I’m sargent at arms. No regrets. Muis!